Pawn Captures Bishop (check)

September 20, 2007 By: erik Category: Complaining, News, Religion, Spain 799 views

Rate this post:
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

The thing that’s got me most nervous about my impending matrimony is the unresolved clerical clerical paperwork that has to be done. According to The Catholic Church, neither Marga nor I are prepared for matrimony. And until we get the go ahead, the priest in Mondragon will not marry us.

She has not yet been confirmed, and I have not yet been Catholic. Luckily, there are bureaucratic loopholes to slip through. From what we learned from the guy that gave us our Catholic marriage classes, Marga can sign a paper saying that she will get confirmed just as soon as she gets around to it, and that’s good enough. And I, with a brief tutorial on the differences between the Episcopalian faith and Catholicism, I can sign something-or-other and become Catholic, skipping all the the baptism, first communion, and confirmation shenanigans and be marryable. Hallelujah!

Our local mentor, Luis, that told us all this, said, “August is a really busy month here, so get back to me in September and there will still be plenty of time to work things out.” So, on September 1, we call him up. But guess what?

There’s a new bishop in town!

The bishopship of Cantabria just changed. Praise Jesus! So the new guy is swamped under paperwork and figuring out how things used to be done and changing things to how he wants them done, etc. I know what it’s like to change jobs. The first few days, you don’t get a damn blessed thing done. I understand that. But here’s the problem…

By law, they have to post a “does anyone have a reason to object to these two marrying?” poster outside the church where we will be wed three weeks before the wedding! It’s the equivalent of that “forever hold your peace” stuff they do in America. So this puts our deadline to, let’s see…. THIS SATURDAY!

We finally got in contact with Luis, who has not been answering his cell phone in the past week. He said that the Cantabrian branch of The Church is still in a huge dust storm and everyone is trying to get their bearings. We said, “Yeah, that’s great, but we got a deadline here, pal!” Luis promises to get back with us today, but I see the chances of that happening as about as good as the Pope taking off his funny hat.

So what’s going to happen, barring some kind of divine intervention, the fiancé and I are going to go to Santander tomorrow morning and camp out in the Bishop’s office until we get what we want.

It’s on now, your Holiness!


  • Paul

    Good luck! I’ll get up about 4:00 am here and pray for you. That should help.

  • Uncle Neil

    What is the Bishop’s E-mail address?

  • I’m not sure, Neil. Here’s the website. You can hear his inaugural address here.

    I love that sidebar with the picture of the baby and the text, “We were all embryos”, followed by the young parents and their daughter with the text, “man and woman raised us.” I can only imagine the view from up there on that pedestal of conservative moral high ground. I hope new members get a complementary rosary…

  • Heather

    I will light a candle lol, the one smells like oranges and cloves 🙂

  • Betsy

    The three weeks posting would be the “Banns of Marriage”. This is certainly an old tradition. I googled it and the second listing is from the Catholic encyclopedia. It has a very elaborate description of the origins and meaning, but the line that jumped out at me was “In order to check the increase of clandestine marriages . . .”. I guess it used to take at least 3 weeks for the word to get out to all potential objectors. I hope that you will be able to jump through all the hoops in time. If not, is there the equivalent of a justice of the peace who can perform the ceremony on short notice? The meal and party are the main things :~) Keep us posted.