Ceramic Bulldog

July 08, 2008 By: erik Category: Funny, House, Photos 2,021 views

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Ceramic BulldogIn preparation for hosting our July 4th party, we had to move a table that we had never really moved since we moved into our house. Most of our furniture came from the previous owners, and this table was no different. Also on the table, left by the previous owners, is a ceramic bulldog. Upon first seeing it, both Marga and I exclaimed, “Oh my god! How horrible!” We immediately agreed that we couldn’t stand having that thing in the house and we agreed to throw it away. But, in the move, actually discarding it got overlooked, and it’s been there ever since.

On Friday, when I was clearing things off the table to move it into the dining room, I said, “Hey! We can finally get rid of this horrible bulldog!” “Great!”, Marga said, “Set it over there.” And the party preparations continued. Later, when Marga was showering, I thought it would be a good idea to take some photos of the bulldog to remember him by and write this blog post. So I put him up on the dining room table and took these photos.

Ceramic Bulldog

Ugly, ugly, ugly!

Ceramic Bulldog

Why would anyone buy one of these things?

Ceramic Bulldog

How could someone see this thing in the shop and say, “I want that for my house!” Insanity!

Ceramic Bulldog

When it was finally time to take out the trash, I grabbed this little kiln-fired canine by the head and said, “Okay, little guy! We’re going for a walk, but only one of us is coming back!” That’s when Marga stammered, “Well…maybe… Perhaps he can stay as a doorstop here. You know…as long as he’s being useful…” I laughed and set him on the floor. What’s funny is that I was relieved that the little guy had been pardoned. Damn nostalgia from familiarity! How can something, that we both initially detested and would never ever ever bring into the house on purpose, build such an emotional attachment? Psychology’s funny that way. Stupid brain!

Bulldog Door Stop

Our new doorstop. It definitely looks like he’s being a bad dog, if you know what I mean.

Bulldog Door Stop

Not exactly welcoming into the room, but there he is.

  • “Stupid brain!” sounds like a Homer Simpson quote.
    I love bulldogs, and hilariously ugly dogs in general. I mean, I wouldn’t want one in the house, but they crack me up.

  • What’s funny is that bulldogs and other “what happened to your face?!?” breeds are the only breeds of dogs that Marga is really at all fond of. I think they’re ugly, and she thinks that they’re adorable. I say, “Right, but you love them out of pity or mocking laughter for being so ugly, right?” She claims not to. There are a couple bulldogs in town, and whenever we see one, a big smile comes across Marga’s face. It’s just weird.

    Perhaps this explains her attraction to me?

  • aquariumdrinker

    AT favors pugs, but not so much bulldogs. I would think a pity-driven attraction would cover both equally.

  • Here’s an interesting factoid about bulldogs: their heads and shoulders are so big compared to their hips that they can’t give birth normally. They have to have caesarians. If natural selection were allowed to prevail, they’d be gone.

  • I knew that about bulldog births, probably from you. It is an interesting tidbit, and I’ve often wondered how true it is. The Wikipedia page, full of funny underbite photos, says it’s only somewhat true:

    Because of the large heads in proportion to body size, puppies are frequently delivered by Caesarean section as they can get stuck in the birth canal during natural birth. However, it is not uncommon for a bulldog to whelp naturally and successfully.

    My guess is that pregnant bulldogs with caring wealthy owners probably all have caesarian births because of the perceived risk and the others aren’t well documented, so it’s impossible really know how much birth canal blockage risk there really is.

    Also, isn’t whelp a cool word?

  • I just love your “ugly dog”, not that I want one, or anything like that. When we lived in rented flats, we used to spend the first few days stashing away the “jujus”, as my husband calls them. It’s amazing how people actually buy such horrid items.

  • As a verb it refers to giving birth but as a noun it can be a young whippershapper or rascal or brat. That seems like an odd dual use of a word.

  • Erik,
    Do you know anything at all about the previous residents of your house? Perhaps the previous owners of your ceramic canine were University of Georgia alumni? 😀 Go, Bulldogs!

  • Yes, actually. The previous occupant is a professional footballer. Nice try, though, BB.

  • Paul

    Stupid bulldog.

  • Hey Erik,
    Every year my friends and I have a White Elephant gift exchange which we have come to call The Goofy Gift Party. Ugly ceramic items have always been a great source of amusement &/or moaning and groaning when unwrapped. This year, a friend downloaded the picture of your bulldog and emailed it to everyone with the threat that it might appear at this year’s party. Being the resourceful wiezenheimer that I am, I tracked it (& you) down, thinking it would certainly crack us up if, in fact, your lovable little doggie really did rear it’s proverbial ugly head at our get-together.

    This, you see, answers your question: Why would anyone buy one of these? So, now, my question to you is: Do you wanna sell it, for how much and can you get it to me in California by Dec 17th?

    I look forward to hearing back from you. Thanks! Rick

    • Oh you’ve got to be kidding me! [throws hands in the air]

      That’s very touching, and I applaud your sense of humor and detective work. Unfortunately, exactly one month ago, this bulldog had an altercation with my one-year-old daughter, was slightly broken, and then disposed of on the way to the emergency room.

      It’s comments like yours that really warm the cockles of this blog. Thank you.

  • Yo, Erik,

    Bummer about the dog and Nora’s finger, but I am happy for the cockles of your blog. Thanks for the reply.