Foreigners Are So Rude!

October 27, 2011 By: erik Category: Complaining, Spain, Travel, USA, Videos 1,700 views

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roy poutsOne of the things that most irks me, as an expat, is when someone claims that an entire country full of people are rude or lacking in manners. I guarantee you that if you go to live for even a short period of time in another country, you will notice general cultural behaviors that are different from your own culture; some will seem odd, and others will seem rude. I can also guarantee you that for every odd cultural mannerism you notice, the natives around you will notice at least one or two about you. With the right attitude, these cultural differences can add to the adventure that is having foreign friends and traveling and living abroad.

I suspect that no matter how long you live in a foreign country, some of your native upbringing will still make you seem strange to other people long after you’ve learned all the local slang and lost any accent. One problem that seems common among Americans living in Spain, for instance, is saying “gracias” way too often. The Spanish actually get annoyed by this. Shopkeepers often seem confused when I involuntarily thank them after a transaction.

When you visit other cultures, the people will, by definition of being from a different culture, seem rude to you, and you will seem rude to them.

Lest you think I’m implying that Americans are much more polite than Spaniards, let’s look at another set of customs: the dinner party.

When you are a guest in someone’s home in Spain, there is an unspoken rule that you shouldn’t ask for anything to eat or drink, and that rule is remedied by the expectation that the host will offer you things to eat and drink. Americans have this same system to some extent, but where Spain and the US diverge is at the dinner table.

In the US, when a host lays out a bunch of food on the table at a dinner party, the guests more or less understand that it’s all for them and they can ask each other or the host to pass the potatoes if they want more. In Spain…not so much. A Spanish guest will tend to eat only what he is expressly offered to take. As a result, proper hosting etiquette is to constantly suggest that people with empty plates take more food. Sometimes it’s even considered polite for a guest to decline food that he really wants to give other guests, or the host, the option to take it. Since both parties understand this, a polite host will continue to persist even after the guest has declined.

Personally, this drives me mad. I really can’t stand customs where no doesn’t mean no. I prefer to tell the truth and not have to repeat myself. But, I have to remind myself that I am in a different culture where my host is only being polite. It takes effort. And I’m not the only one. My wife had the opposite problem of waiting for food to be offered to her in the States, and sometimes walking away from the table hungry and annoyed at how rude Americans can be. Now that she and I fully comprehend the cultural difference, we know not to get annoyed, or, if we do, that no one is to blame but ourselves.

When you visit other cultures, the people will, by definition of being from a different culture, seem rude to you, and you will seem rude to them. If you can’t bend your mind around to the opinion that experiencing and learning about these differences is the very thing that makes traveling and living abroad so much fun, then you should go back to your hometown where everyone behaves just like you.

This ad for HSBC got a lot of airtime back when I was living in England. It illustrates my point perfectly and humorously.

 
  • http://twitter.com/simon1972 simon1972

    The video reminds me of when we were eating with our host family on holiday in Delhi. They just kept bringing out more and more food and we felt compelled to eat it, until we were so full that we had to just turn to them and say “Please, no more!”
    It was delicious, though.

    • http://erikras.com/?utm_source=disqus&utm_medium=profile&utm_campaign=Disqus%2BProfile Erik R.

      Oooh… you just got me thinking. I wonder if this cultural difference is why Spain doesn’t have any All-You-Can-Eat buffets like the US and Britain (to a much, much lesser extent) do. I bet so…

  • bawa

    Simon: mostly in India, hosts will keep pressing food etc. and the guest will say No at first, and start eating only after being asked and refusing 3-4 times.
    Which is why, in my family – an Erik-type No means No- leads to some bewildered guests (and sometimes complaints!), where the first no means everyone else starts attacking the food!!!

  • http://twitter.com/mariacsnyder Maria Snyder

    Wow! I can’t tell you how much I love this post. You’ve nailed it. This is it: “If you can’t bend your mind around to the opinion that experiencing and learning about these differences is the very thing
    that makes traveling and living abroad so much fun, then you should go back to your hometown where everyone behaves just like you.”

    I admit sometimes I still feel disgruntled (the food offering is a good example, I’m thinking to myself, hhmmm I already said no five times!) but in the end, it is their way of life and I am the one who has to roll with it. I like this quote by Clifton Fadiman, “When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make
    you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.”

    • Dan

      I agree completely, but it seems as though the quote you used at the end of your post is only really true when it is a country other than America or England … if a foreign individual comes to either of these countries, they expect us to make them feel welcome by catering to their cultures. Whereas, if we are to go to a foreign country, we are told to just shut up and get on with it — as it should be, but I think it should also apply in America and England. The problem is that when we are told to shut up and get on with it when we are abroad, it is understood that that is how the situation should be, but if we were to do that to a guest in our country, we would be deemed offensive and racist. Just my thought lol.

      • http://erikras.com/ Erik R.

        Dan, I think you’re demonstrating a lack of empathy. I think that no matter how accommodating you try to be to foreigners, you will still come off as rude, and they will still feel like they are being told to “shut up and get on with it”. And vice versa.

  • Dan

    It frustrates me that caucasians seem to be expected to respect other cultures: making sure that we do not offend people by showing disrespect or refusing to follow their traditions, and yet when it is the other way around, we are expected to understand that our customs are not to be expected to be understood by the non-caucasian individuals, instead we are to cater to their cultures and traditions when they are in our homes etc.