Our town church doesn’t play that Big Ben tune, but it does chime once at the quarter hour, twice at the half hour, thrice at three quarters of an hour, and four times on the hour, followed by a longer note played a certain number of times to indicate what hour of the day it is (five times for 5 o’clock, etc.). There are more noisy displays when it’s time for Sunday mass.

I used to think that this was somewhat handy to be aurally reminded of the time throughout the day, sort of a service to keep the townsfolk on their schedules. I still do, but I thought that was really the only purpose the hourly chimes served. Then I watched a TED Talk…

In his talk, Atheism 2.0, Alain de Botton suggests that, by rejecting superstitious dogma, atheists have historically been throwing the baby out with the bathwater. He makes some interesting points, and I’m not sure I agree with all of it, but it did get me thinking, particularly his reference to church calendars. At various times of the year, church sermons discuss different Biblical stories, and a good priest will explain how the ancient story applies to modern life. Clearly the same could be done in a secular environment very easily, e.g. “It’s autumn again, so let’s reread The Ant and the Grasshopper.” What religion accomplishes by assigning lessons to specific dates of the calendar is that, for a regular church attendee, the memories of all the teachings are less than a year old. It’s a bit like taking the same course every single semester for your entire life. You will learn it!

Religions, in general, are experts of sociology and psychology; they must be to have survived millennia into our present-day meme pool. They are clearly providing something that humans desire. If we’re going to make it past the first verse of John Lennon’s Imagine, we’ve got to figure out how to fill those needs another way, and we still have a lot to learn about how to push those psychosocial buttons.

DING! Back to the church bells. DONG!

Historically, Christian churches have had bells to inform monks and the general townsfolk when it was time to come and worship. This was back before we all had mobile phones with push notifications, mind you. In medieval times, it’s pretty easy to imagine that the church bells telling the monks when to pray could be quite handy to remind the other residents of the time of day, e.g. when to get up, or come in from the field, or whatever. Now, however, we have more advanced technology for that purpose.

When followers of more oriental religions are meditating, they will sometimes use what is called a mindfulness bell, which will ring every so often to remind the meditator to focus. If you’ve ever attempted meditation, you’ll understand why a bell could be useful – yes, there’s an app for that.

So why do church bells chime every hour or sometimes every fifteen minutes?

Part of it is tradition and fondness of said tradition, but I’d like to propose that one of the reasons is to remind everyone, especially subconsciously, that God is there, not necessarily in a “Big Brother is watching!” sort of way, but just to remind the public of church teachings, doctrinal and otherwise, like a mindfulness bell. It’s more about piety than punctuality.

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The immense irony of the situation being that they are dressed as shepherds and need shepherding themselves.

It took me a while to spot my daughter. She’s the one at the back with the grandma scarf on.

That one.

The “everyone hold onto a rope with loops tied in it” trick is what makes such an excursion remotely feasible.

My little old lady.

The Nativity Scene

I encourage you to check out the detail in the large version.

There was a “moon” in the sky. Also, sometimes there was lightning and thunder.

Many of the characters were animatronic, the fires were flickering, the water flowed, the windmill spun, and one house had smoke emanating from the chimney.

The star of the show.

The magi arrive from the east, one on camel, one on an elephant, and one on a horse.

The house with the smoke had lamps inside, a kitty on the deck, and a sow nursing piglets in the yard. You can see the blurred windmill in the background.

I struggle to imagine the number of hours of detailed work that went into this nativity scene. I was very impressed.

A group photo. Nora seemed content walking to the church with her friends, but as soon as she saw me, the balance of desires swung hard towards her needing to be with me holding my hand at all times. I was the only parent there, and she was the only child crying.

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It is becoming more and more popular for marriages in Spain to be “civil”, done at the town hall, rather than religious, done in the church. Starting in 2009, the majority of Spanish weddings have been non-religious town hall ceremonies.

When you add these two things together, the fact that people are accustomed to and love to have parties to celebrate the birth of a child, and the fact that many people don’t see what a celibate man in robes who actually thinks he can, and should, turn wine into blood by uttering magic words has to do with celebrating family events…you get somebody suggesting that a government official should say some inspiring words to a crowd of a newborn’s family members.

I wonder if they use official government water? No I’m kidding. I looked it up. Apparently a civil baptism is a ceremony to celebrate a new Spaniard getting citizenship. The ceremony usually includes a reading of several articles of the Convention on the Rights of the Child adopted by the UN in November 1989:

Article 6 – 1: States Parties recognize that every child has the inherent right to life.

Article 6 – 2: States Parties shall ensure to the maximum extent possible the survival and development of the child.

Article 12 – 1: States Parties shall assure to the child who is capable of forming his or her own views the right to express those views freely in all matters affecting the child, the views of the child being given due weight in accordance with the age and maturity of the child.

Article 12 – 2: For this purpose, the child shall in particular be provided the opportunity to be heard in any judicial and administrative proceedings affecting the child, either directly, or through a representative or an appropriate body, in a manner consistent with the procedural rules of national law.

Article 27 – 1: States Parties recognize the right of every child to a standard of living adequate for the child’s physical, mental, spiritual, moral and social development.

Article 27 – 2: The parent(s) or others responsible for the child have the primary responsibility to secure, within their abilities and financial capacities, the conditions of living necessary for the child’s development.

Article 27 – 3: States Parties, in accordance with national conditions and within their means, shall take appropriate measures to assist parents and others responsible for the child to implement this right and shall in case of need provide material assistance and support programmes, particularly with regard to nutrition, clothing and housing.

Article 27 – 4: States Parties shall take all appropriate measures to secure the recovery of maintenance for the child from the parents or other persons having financial responsibility for the child, both within the State Party and from abroad. In particular, where the person having financial responsibility for the child lives in a State different from that of the child, States Parties shall promote the accession to international agreements or the conclusion of such agreements, as well as the making of other appropriate arrangements.

I remember the mountain of paperwork I had to fill out and drive to various government offices around my province after my daughter was born to get her “into the system” so she could suckle the socialist teat. It’s a big hassle, one worthy of a glass of champagne upon completion.

To me, a civil baptism deciding what country a human has allegiance to, before he is able to think for himself, based solely on the geography where he escaped the womb and allegiances of his parents is just as immoral as deciding what religious beliefs he should hold based on the same criteria. But most people don’t really put that much meaning into it. It’s really just a party for a happy reason, which is something I can get behind.

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They’re almost symmetrical.

Their right hands are in almost the exact same position. Ancient Templar symbolism or a sculptor’s shortcut?

The front of the church, showing the orientation and relative size of the previous two subjects.

This is a statue of Brother Pablo. I’ll translate a bit from the Great Cantabria Encyclopedia.

Brother Pablo of Colindres (Colindres, 1696 – Vienna, 1774): His real name was Pedro Antonio de Oruña Calderon de la Barca. He studied at Valladolid and Salamanca and became a professor of law at the latter university. Later he joined the Order of Friars Minor Capuchin and adopted the name that is generally known. It was during five years a missionary in Oran (Algeria). The king offered him the Bishopric of Barcelona, but he refused. In 1761 he was elected superior general of the Capuchin Order. In this capacity, he toured most of Europe, finally dying in Vienna in 1774. His funeral was attended by the Empress Maria Theresa. He acquired universal fame for his wisdom and virtue and is the author of numerous theological works. His brother was the Bishop of Osma, Juan Antonio.

Luckily, the neon green penis someone spray painted on him four years ago has mostly faded.

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It’s mostly in Spanish, so I’ve subtitled it (click the “CC” button).

As you can see, she’s in the stage of parroting everything back to practice her pronunciation. Personally, I’m completely fascinated by her ability to correctly conjugate complex forms of Spanish verbs. Earlier, we were out at a cafe, and I gave her a five euro note and told her to give it to the waitress. She replied, “Cuando viene, yo se lo doy.” (When she comes, I’ll give it to her.) That’s some complex direct object and indirect object pronoun grammar that I didn’t finally grasp until well into my Spanish studies.

The other day, when she was talking to her Spanish grandfather on the phone, she sat down in a chair, put her hand on her forehead and said, accompanied by perfectly exasperated body language, “Joder, Abuelo…” (Fuck, Grandpa…). Part of me was impressed and delighted that she’d nailed the performance and intonation so well. Of course she gets absolutely no reinforcement from us when she uses inappropriate words. A more common bowdlerized version is “¡Jolín!“, which she uses in the video, and I’ve translated to “Jeez!” in the subtitles. That’s a perfectly acceptable exclamation in Spanish culture between children and adults.

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However, I really must think that, to someone from a Buddhist culture, something about using their religion to spice up a Spanish bar must be at least a little offensive. Of course I don’t know for certain.

Eightfold path or twelve-step program?

Do you think that somewhere in China or Japan, they have a bar or restaurant called “Jesus Christ” full of crucifixes, stained glass imagery of saints, and a little nativity scene on a shelf? Would that be offensive to a religious Westerner? Perhaps not.

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In Spain, it is perfectly legal to grow your own marijuana for personal use. The cops only start to care when you’re growing with intent to sell.

In general I’m strongly against the War on Drugs and generally in favor of the legalization of just about every currently illegal drug. Everything from the history of Prohibition (of alcohol) to teenage abstinence programs show us how forbidding people from seeking pleasure does not stop them from doing so; it only makes them do it in less safe ways. The sooner we can shed the Judeo-Christian-Islamic “pleasure = sin” mindset, upon which all these pleasure-prohibiting laws are based, and talk rationally about the best policies for keeping the populace safe and happy, the better.

In 2008, 1 in every 31 adults in the US was on probation, in jail, or on parole. (BJS)

22% of the prisoners in the US are convicted of drug-related charges. (HRW)

You don’t have to be a Libertarian to agree that we’re doing something wrong.

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The spire from some building. Not the cathedral.

Who says you can’t fly fish in the middle of a city?

A panorama of the cathedral square. After stitching there was quite a bit of fisheye distortion that I’ve tried to correct as best I could.

A Rolls Royce and the bride it brought, as she enters the cathedral to walk down the aisle into matrimony.

Menacing, isn’t it? That’s what cathedrals are designed to be.

A vertical panorama containing both of the previous two images. Check out the Stars of David, with an apostle at each of the clock positions. It’s not an accident that smallest number that divides evenly by the first four positive integers was chosen for both of those.

Nice ride!

Angel hood ornament.

I should get one of these for my car!

No built in GPS??

This horrible figurine looking down at the entrance inside the cathedral is called Papamoscas. It’s very, very IWUS. Some middle-aged American women were gazing up at it taking photographs, and one of them said, “I’m pretty sure that’s the devil himself!” Trying to be as unhelpful as possible, as usual, I leaned over to them and said, “No, that’s the joker from a deck of cards.” They totally believed me. The wikipedia page, unfortunately, doesn’t answer any “What?” or “Why?” or “WTF?” questions, only “When?” It just says that there has been a figure there since at least the 16th century, and that the old one was replaced with the current one in the 18th century.

Oh, and did I mention that it opens its mouth with each bell strike on the hour? Thus, catching flies and earning its name, Papamoscas, which means “Fly Daddy”. I was expecting more of a nutcracker kind of mouth opening, but instead it was very subtle. We waited out twenty minutes (as you could have deduced) to see it in action. I’ve looped two photos to show the movement in this movie:

One of the side chapels in the cathedral. The wedding was going on in another one like this.

Jesse and his posse.

Somehow Belén got shrunken down to the size of a mouse.

What were these sculptors thinking?? Who are they trying to scare?

These little guys are riding on the head of spitting dragons.

My Wii Fit doesn’t have this particular yoga pose.

Nora, Marga, Juan, Marce, and Belén.

Meson del Cid restaurant.

This place was a souvenir shop.

Ah, wedding rice… I think my wedding suit still has some in the pockets.

And there you have it! A big photographic Burgos Cathedral adventure! Thanks for traveling with me.

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Crepes de hongos sobre salsa de espinaca
Pimientos rellenos de merluza y txangurro (2 piezas)
Rape al horno con pimientos verdes
Solomillo a la plancha
Tarta de hojaldre con helado
Vino tinto crianza y Rosado etc.
Café y licores

In English, that’s:

Mushroom crepes on a spinach sauce
Peppers stuffed with hake and crab meat (2 pieces)
Baked monkfish with green peppers
Grilled sirloin steak
Puff pastry with ice cream
Red crianza wine and rosé etc.
Coffee and liqueurs

From what I can tell, Baptism in Spain (at least in my new family) is all about tradition and celebration. I have yet to hear any talk of original sin or saving Nora’s mortal soul. It’s more about having a family celebration during a happy time. My opinion on the matter is that Life cannot be filled with too many celebrations during happy times, because there are an awful lot of unhappy times to counterbalance. I’m always up for a Spanish party, and when it’s a party honoring me or my family, all the better!

I’ve never been to a baptism other than my own as an infant. There is absolutely no way that I will be able to sit through the ceremony without replaying this scene in my head. All I’m sayin’ is the heads of the five families better watch out.

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Yesterday at lunch, I had more or less the following discussion with my in-laws:

Me: “Mmmm! These are good beans! Is that a bit of a meaty flavor?”
Wife: “No. We’re not having meat today, tomorrow, or the next day.”
Me: “Why not?”
Wife: “Because Jesus is dead.”
Me: “Jesus has been dead for a long time.”
Wife: “Because Jesus is symbolically dead.”

. . . some bean consumption . . .

Me: “But Jesus isn’t even symbolically dead yet. He symbolically dies tomorrow on Good Friday.”
Mom-in-law: “It’s like the saying goes, ‘Christ died on Thursday, was buried on Friday, on Saturday came the glory, and on Sunday he ascended.’” [that's loosely translated]
Me: “No, I’m pretty sure he died on Friday.”
Wife: [with a "drop it!" look on her face] “If the saying says it, it’s true for us!”
Me: “Okay.”

After lunch, I wandered over to the Good Friday wikipedia entry and saw that I had been correct. Christ died on Friday. Score one for me!

That night, as I was lying in bed, I started to think about this topic again. Something wasn’t right. Jesus was supposed to be dead for three days before disappearing, but there are only two days between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Surely they don’t call it three days if he died at noon on Friday and was found missing on Sunday at dusk. That’s only 2 days and 6 hours! Could the Spanish saying of his Thursday death be correct? So I asked Google. It turns out the answer, like most things in The Bible, is fuzzy at best.

Apparently it’s really, really important that Jesus was dead for exactly three days and three nights, since that is how he promised to prove to his followers that he was the Messiah. So out goes the Friday to Sunday idea. What day did he die? Well, three different scriptures all say “the day before the Sabbath”. This leads most people to conclude that it was Friday. But apparently they used the term Sabbath for all kinds of religious holidays, such as the first day of Passover, no matter what day of the week it fell on. And not only that, but there are other references to there being multiple Sabbaths that week. There goes the Good Friday death theory.

Unfortunately, the same goes for the Sunday ascension. The two lines of scripture that relate the day of the week to finding Jesus’ tomb empty both say that it happened on the evening of the Sabbath, and thus probably on Saturday evening. Oops.

The most reasonable conclusion to me, given that any of this stuff is remotely true, is that he died on Wednesday, there was an irregular Sabbath on Thursday, and his tomb was found empty on Saturday evening, three days and three nights after his death. If you answered Wednesday and Saturday to the questions at the beginning of this post, pat yourself on the back and have a Cadbury Creme Egg.

Personally, I’m appalled that the details of something like the key to eternal salvation would be so poorly understood. It just goes to show how people like the idea so much that they actively try not to think about or investigate the details. Both my American cultural understanding and my family’s Spanish cultural understanding were flawed.

Happy Easter!

Most of my research for this post was done on this wonderfully detailed Bible study page.

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