American in Spain » Soccer

A Messy Joke

erik — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 21:57:31 +0000

Like most of my best wordplay, it had escaped my mouth before I realized the cleverness of it. I was talking with my daughter this morning, and I said, “You’re so messy! You’re like [Argentine soccer player, Barcelona phenom, and possibly the best living soccer player] Leo Messi!” I stopped for a minute, realized the significance of what I’d said, and went into the next room with a “Look how clever I am!” look on my face to tell my wife, but she stopped me and said that she’d heard what I’d said and already – probably before I did – noticed the humor/coincidence of it. Did any of my bilingual readers pick up on it?

I had pronounced his shortened first name with the English pronunciation of “LEE-oh”. There is a Spanish word with the same pronunciation: lío. What does that word mean? It translates to… “mess”.

How many people are there whose first name and last name mean the same thing in different languages?

Although his full first name is Lionel, Spanish speakers call him by his nickname, Leo, with Spanish pronunciation, “LAY-oh”, so perhaps no one has picked up on this phenomenon yet. Thus, I felt it important to place this gem on the internet for all to say, “Huh…that’s very slightly interesting…”

You’re welcome.

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F.C. Barcelona vs. Real Madrid

erik — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 21:23:51 +0000

If you live in Spain, there is one question upon which you absolutely must have an opinion: Are you a Barcelona or Real Madrid fan? You can be a fan of your local team – Go Racing Santander! – but you still have to pick a side between the two rival fútbol supergiants.

Most Spaniards have some emotional connection to one of the two cities, or sometimes team loyalty is passed down from generation to generation, but for a foreigner like me, I’ve got nothing to go on, so I’ve had to think about which side to choose. By just about every measure, I come firmly down on the side of…

The Sponsors

F.C. Barcelona has never had a corporate logo on their jerseys. In 2006, they made an agreement with UNICEF, but rather than the sponsor pay the club to wear their name, the club donates €1.5 million per year to UNICEF.

Real Madrid’s primary sponsor is bwin, the world’s largest publicly traded gambling company who is responsible for those horrible pop-under internet ads for PartyPoker.com.

F.C. Barcelona 1 – 0 Real Madrid

The Stars

F.C. Barcelona and Real Madrid have the two best soccer players in the world, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, respectively. Ronaldo is pretty; he comes out onto the field with styling gel in his hair. He reminds me of all those good looking jocks that got all the girls and were so mean to me in high school. From interviews and reading general news sources, it seems like his ego matches his physique. He’s a sex symbol and he knows it. I just plain don’t like him.

Lionel Messi, on the other hand, can best be described as well to the ugly side of ordinary. He’s handsome like a cubist painting, his hairstyle matches his last name, and his attention to style and looks is even lower than mine.

While I don’t know that much about Messi’s personality, I have seen a few interviews, and he just generally seems like a much better person that CR7. Oh yeah, Ronaldo has a moniker, his two initials and his jersey number. Did I mention that Ronaldo was named after Ronald Reagan?

F.C. Barcelona 2 – 0 Real Madrid

The Long Hairs

I have the same feelings about the two long haired stars of both teams. Carles Puyol, for Barcelona, is one ugly long-haired freak, whereas Madrid’s Sergio Ramos has a much more symmetrical face. There’s just something about Ramos’ gestures and attitude that I find unsettling. And don’t get me started on that stupid headband he wears! Why anyone would choose to play any sports with long hair not completely immobilized in a pony tail is beyond me. The truth is that I’m not all that fond of Puyol, either, after he insisted on carrying his regional Catalonian flag around the field after winning the World Cup for Spain instead of the Spanish flag, so I won’t award any points for this particular topic.

The Fonts

Every time I see Real Madrid play, the overly rounded nature of the font on their backs annoys me. It’s not completely illegible, but nor is it very easy to read. Both commit the same crime with the upper-case N being just a tall lowercase n, but I think you’ll agree that the font on the bottom is much cleaner and attractive.

The fact that the Real Madrid letters R and A are so nearly identical wouldn’t be too much of a problem, except that they have a player named Ezequiel Garay, who looks like he has “GAAAY” written on his back…which isn’t bad for suggesting homosexuality so much as for juxtaposition of identical-looking letters.

F.C. Barcelona 3 – 0 Real Madrid

Conclusion

I could go on about what a jerk Real Madrid’s coach, José Mourinho, seems to be, like how he put his thumb in someone’s eye last week, but I won’t. The truth is that it’s impossible to talk to a Spaniard about this topic without them being strongly biased one way or the other. All the features of ingroup/outgroup human tribal psychology are present in this debate.

Fans of Barcelona claim that the refs never call fouls on Real Madrid, and tout confirmation-bias-laden conspiracy theories about how, “Isn’t it curious that the television broadcast never shows slow motion replays when a Real Madrid player gets away with a foul?” The Real Madrid fans are equally livid about the preferential treatment they think Barcelona receives.

I must, however, concede one good point to a Real Madrid supporter friend of mine who I once heard say, “Whenever Messi does a fancy maneuver with the ball, everyone says, ‘Wow, what an amazing player!’, but when Ronaldo does one, everyone says, ‘What a bloody showoff!’” I can see how that would be annoying, but it’s all part of the image he’s created for himself. The animosity between the fans is sharp! There are several people with whom I refuse to watch soccer matches anymore because they get so vitriolic.

¡Barça!

So, to conclude, I root for F.C. Barcelona whenever they are playing against Real Madrid. Believe me, I am acutely aware of just how superficial my reasons are. They are meant to be. It’s just a bunch of millionaires kicking a ball around in the grass.

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Mono vs. Morro

erik — Fri, 13 May 2011 14:29:55 +0000

I love it when current events cause a traffic spike on my blog. The big news in Spanish sports today is regarding a video clip where Sergio Busquets, a soccer player for Barcelona, covers his mouth, looks at Marcelo Vieira, who plays for Real Madrid, and says (no audio, just video) either “morro” or “mono”. Both require the tongue to hit the palate, and are more or less indistinguishable with video alone. The important facts of the case are that, Barcelona and Real Madrid are the principal archrivals in Spain’s favorite sport, and Busquets is a white guy from Barcelona, while Marcelo is a black guy from Brazil. Oh, and “mono” means “monkey”.

This case would be pretty boring to me, except that I am the internet’s primary source for the definition of the Spanish expression “mucho morro“. That post has received over 200 hits today, and my top posts normally get around 30 hits a day. All the non-Spanish soccer fans are desperately trying to understand both sides of this story.

You decide! Morro or mono?

My Opinion

The more you watch Spanish fútbol, the more you see people touching their faces to mean mucho moro as a gesture of general “Hey, you jerk!” disapproval. There is, however, still a lot of inherent racism in Spain, mainly because it’s still such a racially homogenous country. Personally I’m inclined to give Busquets the benefit of the doubt on this totally ambiguous case. But then that wouldn’t be much of a media story, would it?

At least no one is suggesting he said moro…

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Foosball Wizard

erik — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 13:28:35 +0000

I am unable to watch today’s video without laughing. It might be the cutest one yet, although there is definitely some stiff competition. Nora had been “playing” (no ball) foosball for about 15 or 20 minutes before we shot this video, and much of it was just as fun as the 53 seconds you’re about to see. When it was time to go back to the table for the grownups to have their after-meal coffee, Nora was not pleased.

One brief anecdote from this morning before we get to the feature presentation…

This morning she got “that look” on her face and grunted a few times. I already knew what was happening, but she was polite enough to inform me. She pointed to her rear end and said, “Sinky!!” I don’t recall the exact etymological processes, our household word for diaper defecation is “stinky”, used as a noun. For example, “Nora, do you have a stinky?” or “Uh oh! I think we have a stinky!” We’re hoping that learning to give a post-stinky warning is a step on the path to giving pre-stinky warnings.

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Spain Wins The World Cup!

erik — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:10:26 +0000

We began World Cup final Sunday evening by heading to nearby Laredo, where we’d heard there might be a big screen set up on the beach. We were certain that we couldn’t take a 15.5 month old child to an enclosed space with Spanish fans because she’d die of fright from all the screams. We discovered that the beach screen was only a rumor, and the real big screen was in the old town hall square. We took one look at how packed the square was with people and turned around and headed back towards Colindres, but not before spotting a group of old ladies wearing red-yellow-red striped headbands singing A Por Ellos.

Once back in our home town, we chose our favorite soccer-viewing bar, El Vapor (The Steam), which is only about two hundred meters from our house. The twin brother of our friend with the restaurant in Laredo was already seated at a prime table, and he informed us that he was leaving before the game began and promised us his table. We would spend the game outside on the sidewalk looking into the bar through the glass to a projected screen. And it was a good thing we were outside, because, well, let’s just say that inside the bar, it lived up to its name.

The old town hall square in Laredo, with 90 minutes left until kickoff.

The game was exciting from the very beginning. And I soon discovered that, due to the slope of the sidewalk away from the bar, I had to stand up to see the screen. No problem. I can stand up for 90 minutes. I admit to being nervous the entire game. So nervous, that the beer and snacks I had bought streamed steadily down my soar-from-screaming gullet.

Nora had a good time, as well. Her primary daycare caretaker, Nella, was also at the bar. She’s so wonderfully selfless that she spent most of the time when the game wasn’t on, the hour beforehand and halftime, playing with Nora. Nora also spent most of the match calming her nerves with snackfood, little mostly-air corn puff things the Spanish call gusanitos, or “little worms”.

In the second part of overtime, I took exhausted Nora from her mother to give the latter a break, and we watched the game projected, from the bar, onto the side of a nearby building. The outdoor projection had just then become visible with the sun going down at 10:30 PM. Soon, Marga came up and took Nora, accusing me of bouncing the poor exhausted thing around, possibly singing A Por Ellos. I was excited, what can I say? When the goal occurred soon after, in minute 116, the place went WILD!!! Screaming, shouting, horn blowing, jumping, hugging… And we were in a fairly low population venue. I can only imagine what it must have been like in Laredo…nevermind Madrid!

During the blur that was the last four minutes after Iniesta’s goal, during my dancing around with the Spanish flag as a cape (Which really keeps in a lot of heat! Good to remember in case I ever find myself homeless), some blond teenagers walked up and began talking to me in English. They were some boy scouts from Belgium that were camping nearby and were hitchhiking to Laredo for the big party. It was a strangely surreal encounter.

A good time was had by all, but after the game parental duties dictated that we not partake in the enormous nationwide fiesta, so we headed home and I put Nora to bed and Marga and I watched some of the post-game coverage by the ecstatic Spanish news team. It was a shame that Puyol and Xavi would ruin such a wonderfully uniting national moment by parading around the Catalonian flag instead of the Spanish one, but such is the separatist nature of Spain. At least captain and goalkeeper, Iker Casillas, got in a good on-live-television I-can’t-help-myself kiss with his gorgeous sports reporter girlfriend, Sara Carbonero.

Spain currently holds the European Cup, the World Cup, the Tour de France, the French Open, and Wimbledon. Some Spaniards like to claim the NBA Championship because of Pau Gasol as well, but that seems like a bit of a stretch. Spain dominates in Formula 1 and Moto GP as well. No one can deny that this is a good time for Spanish sport.

¡Enhorabuena, España!

Spain fans. It really is too bad that Nora won’t remember this.

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World Cup Final 2010: Beer Can Edition

erik — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:31:22 +0000

Ice cold beer cans glistening with condensation…what better way to celebrate Holland and Spain making it to the finals of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. One of them will win their first ever World Cup. Who will it be? I don’t know, but I’m going to be drinking some ice cold lager and enjoying every minute of the game.

Sorry, I forgot to warn you that this post may make you thirsty.

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Spanish Soccer Chants – World Cup

erik — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 12:02:26 +0000

Over the course of the World Cup 2010, I have seen increased traffic to my utterly useless page about Spanish soccer chants. So I have decided to write this page to actually inform the curious internet searchers about what those crazy Spanish soccer fans are on about.

A Por Ellos

This is by far the most common. “A por ellos!” means literally “Go get them!”. It’s the kind of thing that Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane might tell his deputies to do. Add some vowel sounds like OH and AY on the end, and you have a song:

A por ellos, oo ee
A por ellos, oo ee
A por ellos, oo ee
A por ellos, ee oo ee

Podemos

The second is an exclamation, “¡Podemos!“, which literally means “We can!” This was used very widely during the Euro Cup 2008, which Spain won. It’s a blatant rip off of Obama’s campaign slogan, “Yes we can!”, which is a blatant rip off of Cesar Chavez’s slogan, “Sí, se puede!” (Yes, it can be done), used in civil rights protests for the United Farm Workers union in the 1970′s.

Alcohol Alcohol Alcohol

This is less of a soccer chant and more of a drunken party chant, but I assure you it will be sung in the Spanish sections of exciting soccer matches. Because the letter H is silent in Spanish, the word “alcohol” often sounds like it just has two syllables. It goes like this:

Alcohol
Alcohol
Alcohol alcohol alcohol
Hemos venido a emborracharnos
Y el resultado nos da igual

In English, that’s:

Alcohol
Alcohol
Alcohol alcohol alcohol
We have come [here] to get drunk
And we don’t care about the result

Very mature, don’t you think?

Yo Soy Español Español Español

This one is pretty simple. It translates to “I am Spanish Spanish Spanish!”

Que Viva España

This one means “Long live Spain”. With some lo lo lo lo’s thrown in to make it more of a song.

If there are any Spanish soccer chants I’ve left out, please leave a comment.

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Pulpo Paul: The Psychic Cephalopod

erik — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:49:07 +0000

Today I walked into my local grocery store and said with a wink, “Hey, do you guys sell German flags? I want to hang one on my balcony.” (Hanging the Spanish flag on one’s balcony is a common way to show support for the Spanish World Cup team who will face off against Germany tomorrow in the semi-finals.) My grocer friend, Andrés, said, “Have you heard the story of Pulpo Paul (Paul the Octopus)?” I assumed he was about to tell me a didactic Aesop-esque fairy tale about why one shouldn’t be such a cheeky jerk, but he turns to the checkout computer and pulls up this internet video to show me…

Apparently this octopus in Germany, named Paul, has successfully predicted five out of five of Germany’s World Cup results so far, even leaving his home team to correctly pick a win by Serbia. He chooses the victor by wrapping himself around a box with the flag for that team.

After a scandal involving a photoshopped image of Paul picking Spain, they finally had him make his selection, and, for the semi-final match tomorrow, he has chosen…… SPAIN!!

Of course this is all a load of hooey, and that, with complete chance, a coin or octopus or rock would be correct in five matches or 3.125% (1/2⁵) of the time. Still it’s kind of funny and probably has the Germans a bit worried. I recommend they cook him Galician style.

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Why I love the World Cup

erik — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 17:09:51 +0000

I enjoy watching soccer. Aside from the occasional beautifully executed maneuver, however, soccer, like all sports, is boring as hell if you don’t care who wins. My biggest problem with soccer is mustering enough energy to care who wins. I did a better job this past year following the Spanish Liga, choosing allegiance with the local team, Racing Santander, even reading the sports newspaper, Marca, in a bar at least once a week. But the effort required to keep up with player trades, injuries, and rumors is more than a little exhausting…all in an attempt to generate some emotional attachment to teams or players.

When it comes to the World Cup, however, it’s not football clubs, it’s entire countries competing! Having been an expatriate for a decade now, I have plenty of emotions about countries. I’ve met someone from most of the counties competing in the World Cup, and some of them are still friends I’m in contact with. That emotional connection makes the World Cup matches much more important to me than the average Liga game.

As I write this, all four countries I’ve called home, USA, Denmark, England, and Spain are still in it. Hand me my vuvuzela and let’s watch some soccer!!

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WatchLiveFootball.tv is a scam

erik — Wed, 05 May 2010 14:30:23 +0000

Recently there was a soccer match that I wanted to watch, but that was not broadcast on my basic cable television. Investigating around the internet for a site that would stream the live game, I stumbled upon a very well designed website called watchlivefootball.tv. If you go there, you will see a nice listing of today’s fixtures with the time the match starts, the players, past results for each team, and the logos for each team as well as the league or tournament the game belongs to. It looks very professional. On each match page, there is a video player. When you click play, you are presented with this:

Ooppss!

When you click the link, you are taken to another professional looking page which informs you that the watchlivefootball.tv service is compatible with Windows, Mac OS X, and Linux. Many of the competing services are Windows-only, so I was very pleased to see the other supported OSes. I then fell for the “$34.95 for three years” offer that is “ending only hours from now!” rather than the monthly fee. It would actually be a good deal if it weren’t a scam.

They forward you to ClickBank.com to put in your credit card information, and they issue you a username and password. It’s all still professional up to this point. You can immediately log in and what do they do? All WatchLiveFootball.tv does is provide you with a link to a free page called ATDHE to watch streaming sports for free.

Right there on the ATDHE terms of service page, they say:

Many sites charge money and send you here. ATDHENet.tv is a free website. If you paid to use this site, we suggest you ask for your money back from the place you paid for.

ClickBank.com is not a scam

I had never heard of ClickBank, but apparently they are a direct competitor of PayPal, providing online transactional services for internet vendors, particularly ones selling intangibles like downloads. They are real, and they will refund your money if you ask them to. I clicked on the link in my confirmation email to go to my order on their website, clicked on the “support” button, and entered a support ticket with the following comment:

All this vendor does is provide a link to a free website. There is no value provided. I would like my money back. Thanks.

Within five days they had credited my account. The listing for the vendor in ClickBank that tried to take my money through WatchLiveFootball.tv was stream-online-movie.com, so probably anything that they are offering is also a scam, but I cannot confirm that.

How to watch live streaming sports on the internet for free

Go to ATDHEnet.tv and hopefully the game you are looking for will be listed there. I’m not a laywer, but I’m pretty sure that streaming live television coverage of sporting events is not strictly legal. The way ATDHE gets away with it is that all they do is collect links to other third party video streaming sites (e.g. UStream.tv) that just don’t have the resources to immediately police their users that are up-streaming from their televisions.

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