Marriage Classes Begin

June 13, 2007 By: erik Category: Religion 754 views

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Beginning tonight, for four days, we have marriage classes at the local church. I’m really quite curious to know what The Church thinks it can teach me about marriage.

I’ve been reading up on the course material. The most relevant stuff I’ve found so far is Leviticus, Chapter 20, where it talks about how adulterers should be put to death. That seems perfectly reasonable. But, on careful observation, I’ve noticed the wording in the New International Version and the King James Version specifically define adultery as having sex with “another man’s wife“, so both the adulterer and the adulteress must be married for it to be officially “adultery”, and therefore punishable by death. Although the definition of adultery has changed to “sex with anyone that’s not your spouse”, the Holy Bible pretty specifically doesn’t prohibit having unmarried concubines.

The other thing that I’m unclear about is who, exactly, is supposed to put the adulterers to death? Hopefully the issue will never come up, but these are the kinds of worst case scenarios that The Church should be preparing us for going into a holy matrimonial union.

Of course, I would never say such things in class. Marga would kill me! See how much I know about marriage already?

  • Betsy

    Is it purely coincidence that all of the “ads by Google” on the sidebar pertain to marriage or divorce? I’m guessing they key off of current blog subjects, but I don’t know how that could happen. I’ve never noticed them before for comparison purposes.

  • The other thing that IÂ’m unclear about is who, exactly, is supposed to put the adulterers to death?

    That’s easy… “He who is without sin”

  • Is it purely coincidence that all of the “ads by Google” on the sidebar pertain to marriage or divorce?

    No, not a coincidence. It keys off the content. The divorce parts must be because of all the talk of adultery.

    That’s easy… “He who is without sin”

    Right, which is defined as “nobody”.

    We just got back from our first class. We were surprised to see a dozen or so couples there. One couple was even pushing a little bastard in a stroller. Sinners!!

    It was “taught” by someone we met two years ago, but that didn’t recognize us, a friend of one of Marga’s coworkers. His teaching style reminded me a lot of my driving school instructor in the States. Rather than teach anything, he told amusing anecdotes about stupid things that couples have done in the past. Most notable were:

    • A capricious bride decided that she wanted to whole archway entering the church to be covered with flowers. When the priest arrived the morning of the wedding, he found a guy up on a ladder pounding steel nails into the 15th century stonework of the archway.
    • Because a bride had a long tail on her dress, the chairs that the bride and groom sit in during the service couldn’t have a back. So they brought out a bench. But the bench was too ugly for the bride, so they brought out some stools. But those were “kitchen stools”, and you can’t get married sitting on a “kitchen stool”!! So someone had the idea to cover the stools with a sheet, so that it would be prettier. Well, the bride ended up sitting in between the covered stools and falling right through.
    • Another couple put so many flowers that the priest couldn’t be seen standing on the alter. So the priest took out a pair of scissors during the ceremony and snipped all the plants down one by one.

    Pretty good stories from a pretty good storyteller. But that was it. That and a bunch of “This is really serious!” and “This bond is forever!”, etc.

    I only had a witty comeback for one of the things he said. In an introduction to why you should be on time, he said, “We are all equal under God in the church.” I wanted to say, “You mean women can be priests now?!?”

    One down, three to go!

  • You learn fast. Spanish husbands all learn to say, “Lo que diga mi mujer” to any question they are asked. We were lucky and got out of those marriage classes, my father-in-law knew the priest and well, you know how connections work here in Spain (Hay que tener enchufe para todo);) We did have to get special permission from the bishop, since I am Protestant and I did have to promise to raise my kids as Catholics. That thing about women being priests was great, good thing you didn’t say it.

  • Theresa, I prefer, “Lo que diga la jefa.” It sounds even more subordinate, I think. My mother used the internet to successfully translate your “Hay que tener enchufe para todo” to “It is necessary to have a plug for everything”, and then, using the context in your comment, correctly deduced the alternate meaning of “enchufe” in that sentence to be “a friend on the inside”, wittily remarking that it works as well if you have a toaster and a microwave and only one outlet. 🙂

  • Yup, you’re absolutely right, “Lo que diga la jefa” is even better, you’re well on your way to becoming a good Spanish husband. Smart lady, your Mom 🙂

  • why did you have to do it at all? To be able to marry in church?

  • Yes. It’s one of the requirements for a church marriage, which we did for family preference and because churches are pretty.