Dear Toy Company – Part 1

September 16, 2009 By: erik Category: Complaining, Funny, Parenting, Photos, Weird 371 views

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Phallic Butterfly ToyAs my daughter approaches her 6-month birthday, she has just recently gotten her head around the concept of Self vs. Not Self. As in, she can tell what objects in her field of vision are part of her own body and what are not. So obviously she has no idea that humans come in two sexes, and that other humans have body parts that she lacks, and certainly no clue about how the sexes interact to reproduce. My complaint, therefore, is not on her behalf, but on the behalf of the adults around her that have to watch her grasping this big squeaky toy that bares no small resemblance to the human male sexual organ.

I understand that toys for infants need to be graspable by small hands. Her sock-puppet-like toy we affectionately call Mr. Cat is a good example. His limbs are long and slender, for easy grabbing.

Phallic Butterfly Toy
It’s supposed to be some kind of insect, perhaps a butterfly, but the proportions are all wrong. Very, very wrong. The truth is that any small change, like making the wings bigger, or making the head smaller or larger, would reduce the “OMG, that’s a penis!” effect this toy evokes. But no, they got it just right.

Phallic Butterfly Toy
Of course it doesn’t help that this toy is made for children at the age when everything they touch gets put into their mouth. C’mon, toy manufacturers!

Phallic Butterfly Toy
Did I mention that it squeaks like a clown nose when squeezed? Ugh…

Phallic Butterfly Toy
This butterfly is happy to see you!

I’ve labeled this post “Part 1” because I can only assume that I will have future toys to complain about.

 
  • Oh dear. That is awkward. Don’t worry. You’ll have numerous opportunities to complain about toys.

  • OMG. I’ve been toying with the idea of posting something about Eva’s phallic giraffe toy (which seems to have some kind of STD, upon closer inspection). Now I will have to photograph it and post it for comparison/commiseration.

  • Yeah, the squeaking-like-a-clown-nose-when-squeezed is the clincher.

  • Graham

    Probably “bares” = “bears”? I mean, what with the context and all. 🙂

    Sure would like to get one of these for a friend — can you post any clues as to maker or vendor?

    • Sorry, we cut off the tag already.